


perfect

by dantewrites



Series: commissions [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Tony, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Steve Hugs Him Bc He Is The Best Husband, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, dw tho the avengers are in good hands, probably, steve and tony retired from the avengers to enjoy their married life b l e s s, steve draws tony a lot but we already know that, they love each other very much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 05:58:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dantewrites/pseuds/dantewrites
Summary: Tony’s breath hitches when Steve’s eyes focus on his sketchbook, open from where Tony left it on the small table just beside Steve’s watercolors a couple days ago. Steve stares at it as if it hold all the answers he needs, and the irony is that it does. It’s the sketchbook that started all of this. The sketchbook with the sketch that lit up Tony’s hidden awareness of his own insecurities.





	perfect

**Author's Note:**

> Commission for _Anonymous_.

Tony’s working on some blue prints when Steve suddenly stands up, flexing his arms over his head and yawning loudly. Still holding his sketchbook in his hand, he walks forward and around the worktable to drape himself all over Tony’s back like an octopus.

Tony would say he hates it, but it would be a lie, since the warm presence and pressure of his husband on his back eases some of his stress, and he absolutely loves his clingy husband. Besides, if it weren’t for this project, he probably would already have melted against Steve and let him carry him to bed for some lazy late night love making and a huge amount of cuddles afterwards. The simple thought of having the time for that without worrying anymore about an assemble alarm makes retiring definitely worth it.

“‘m tired,” Steve mumbles against Tony’s neck, his hands circling around Tony’s waist after he places his sketchbook on the table. “C’mon, let’s go to bed.”

Tony shakes his head, rolling his eyes with fondness at his husband when he starts a trail of little kisses along his neck and jaw, igniting something warm and soft inside Tony, “I can’t, you big octopus. Gotta finish this blueprints for tomorrow. You know I have the presentation of the new StarkPhone in the evening, can’t miss that or Pep will hang me.”

Steve hums in annoyance, and tightens his embrace around Tony. “Surely you can sneak away for a couple hours to cuddle with your husband, right?”

“You’re a menace.”

“Yet you married me.”

Tony turns around and almost gives in when Steve pouts at him, making his heart clench in longing for a quiet and calm night with him. He cups Steve’s jaw in his hands and kisses him softly, “I wish I could honey, but this is really important. Why don’t you go rest? I promise I’ll join you as soon as I finish this, okay?”

Steve kisses him again, pressing his lips on Tony’s nose, his cheeks, his forehead, and smiles sweetly at him, “No, it’s okay. I’ll stay up with you. Would you want some coffee?”

Tony grins at him, “Do you even have to ask?”

Steve leaves the workshop shortly after, his laughter still echoing in Tony’s ears. There are some days when he wonders why Steve chose him. Out of everyone Steve could have had, he stayed with Tony. Even through endless fights and stress, he stays by Tony’s side. It only makes Tony all the more aware of how resilient that man is.

He sighs and flexes his arms, willing the cramps away. He’s been sitting here for hours, and he really would give anything to go to bed with Steve. But that’ll have to wait.

He scraps the schematic he’s working on, and when he goes to start a new one, he notices Steve’s sketchbook out of the corner of his eye. He takes it between his hands, caressing the cover with something akin to awe. Steve is an artist, a truly talented one. He’s not good at noticing his kind of stuff, Pepper says he just doesn’t have a good eye for art - one of the many reasons why she used manage his art collection, which is actually hers in all honesty -, but even he realizes just how talented his husband is.

He opens the book, not worried about asking for permission since Steve gave him a permanent one a long time ago. He shuffles through the pages, tracing delicate lines and figures with his fingers across the pages. He comes across one that makes his hand freeze and his heart plummet to his stomach. It’s nothing bad in particular, it’s a great nude sketch of him, and it’s also very recent by the looks of it. But the way his body is drawn…

He doesn’t look like that anymore, not since he retired from active duty. The lines on his abdomen softened considerably, and his previously lean body disappeared to give some chubbiness space here and there. Nothing dangerous for his health, mind you. He’s aware of his heart problems and doesn’t need more factors besides the one he already has adding up to his heart problems. But yeah, he doesn’t have the same body he had when he married Steve.

Steve, in turn, looks as perfect and fit and muscular and beefy as always. The epitome of human beauty and perfection. And the stark difference makes something bitter coil at the bottom of his stomach.

Tony would be lying if he says that the feeling sneaked up on him. He’s been expecting them for months now. He knew that someday the guilt and self-deprecation would catch up on on him. But this burning jealousy towards Steve’s ability to keep his health and fitness balanced? That makes him feel worse, makes him feel guilty. But honestly, he’s Tony Stark; what else can he expect from himself other than the worst?

He decides to hide it all; the feelings, the insecurities, all locked up and kept in a neat box hidden in the depths of his heart. There’s no use for those feelings, other than destroying his relationship with Steve.

And that’s the least he wants.

So he makes a plan. He’s gonna fix this. He’s gonna fix himself, because Steve would never want him like this right? He’s gonna fix himself, and Steve won’t notice and won’t leave him, and everything will be okay. He’s a mechanic after all. Building and fixing stuff is what he does. He’s gonna fix himself, just like he did when he realized his father never loved him and never would, just like he did when i was in Afghanistan, and just like he will do to save their marriage.

Obviously, Steve notices something’s going on in less than a week.

Tony knows that Steve is far more perceptive than most people give him credit for, and for the first time in his life he’s not sure he’s happy about it. He knows Tony almost too well, so it’s not surprise for Tony when he looks up from the blue prints he’s working on to take a drink from his awful and bitter green smoothie to find his husband standing in front of him with his eyebrows pinched and concern shining brightly in his eyes.

Tony looks up at him, internally groaning, and braces himself for the ‘We Have To Talk’ conversation opener. This is it, Tony thinks, he’s knows, and he’s finally gotten tired of me. So he puts on his ‘Everything’s Peachy’ face and grins up at his husband.

“My sweet honeybee, how are you?” he says to Steve, who sighs deeply at the endearment and the obvious anxiety seeping into Tony’s words.

Steve raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, crossing his arms over his broad chest, and says “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Tony raises his eyebrows and takes a long sip from the smoothie, trying not to grimace at the taste or, you know, do that thing that Steve says he does when he tastes something disgusting. “I’m peachy, darling. Nothing wrong here. You, on the other hand, look like someone kicked your puppy and you’re both sad and angry about it. What’s up? The trainees are giving you a hard time again?”

“Tony, we’ve been married for two years, and we’ve been dating even longer, I know you, and I know that there’s something going on-”

“What gave it away?” Tony interrupts him abruptly, his question coming out harsh, and he grimaces. Yeah, he’s decidedly not good at this, and probably will never be.

Steve uncrosses his arms and sighs again, his body relaxing and tensing at the same time, which makes something twisted uncurl at the bottom of Tony’s stomach. That stance doesn’t look good on him, and he tries to resist the urge to offer him a massage to ease the tension - we already established that Tony likes to torture himself, right? - because he knows it probably wouldn’t be well received, due to the fact that it’s an obvious and great way to escape the upcoming serious conversation.

Steve walks over and sits on the couch, crossing one leg ever the other and looking at anything but Tony. Tony’s breath hitches when Steve’s eyes focus on his sketchbook, open from where Tony left it on the small table just beside Steve’s watercolors a couple days ago. Steve stares at it as if it hold all the answers he needs, and the irony is that it does. It’s the sketchbook that started all of this. The sketchbook with the sketch that lit up Tony’s hidden awareness of his own insecurities.

He takes it, his eyes analyzing the drawing and something in Tony’s chest tightens. Well then, this is probably it. He will look up at Tony and see his face and will know what’s going on, and everything he’s tried in the last few days will be in vain. The thought alone makes him want to throw up the smoothie.

Steve looks up at him, and just like Tony thought, he notices. Tony can feel the ground shake under his feet, as if a carpet were pulled from under where he’s standing, when he sees the realization dawning on Steve’s bright blue eyes. The terrible urge to escape from there floods his chest and mind, at the same time as he sees his mind and vision become cloudy, and oh God, is he crying? Oh god, oh no, this is too much, and his mind screams at him to get out.

A pair of arms surround him, wrapping him in a hug. Tony opens his eyes, not even aware that he had closed them, and when he looks up, he finds the worried look of his husband as he holds him in his arms, his tight and secure grip makes something in Tony ease and calm down a little.

After a while, he feels it more than he hears Steve when he asks, “Are you okay?”

“No,” Tony says, and he chokes on the word, but Steve is holding him and that’s okay. “Not really.”

“Can I show you something?” Steve asks, and Tony finds himself nodding silently. Steve lets go of his hands and walks over to the workbench, grabbing the sketchbook.

“Look further,” he says, lying it in Tony’s hands.

Tony glances up at him and gives him a questioning look. He flips past the page he’d stopped at, and the drawings take his breath away. It’s Tony, again, amongst other things, but he looks like him now, the way he does now, and yet…there’s nothing exactly different about it.

“They’re you,” Steve says simply, and normally, Tony might tease him, but it’s true, they are him. His growing stomach is there, along with his less muscular arms and legs, and yet, nothing’s different. The care, the love in each pencil mark is still there, just a slightly different figure.

With that, Tony feels the last of his anxiety melt away. How could it not? The drawings make it obvious, the way Steve loves him.

“Sorry,” Tony says, looking up. “I could’ve just saved us both a lot of trouble if I’d have looked further.”

Steve gives him a soft smile and moves so that Tony’s sitting in his lap. “Nah,” Steve says, “‘s okay. I love you.”

“Yeah,” Tony mumbles, his throat suddenly tight with emotion, Steve’s arm around him. “Love you too.”

“And Tony,” Steve says, holding Tony like he’s the most precious thing in the world, “You’re always going to be perfect to me.”

And as he looks into Steve’s eyes, Tony realizes, for the first time, that he completely, full-heartedly believes him.

It’s the best feeling in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has a [Tumblr Post](https://estebanwrites.tumblr.com/post/182810642781/commission1) and, if you liked this work, I'd really appreciate a reblog! Comments and kudos are extremely welcome! Wanna support me and my work? [Here's the post for you!](https://estebanwrites.tumblr.com/post/184142121766/support-me) Thank you for reading!


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